Someday's I feel as if I have everything figured out and other day's I feel I am on some kind of roller coaster of confusion.
My life is so incredible different not bad just different then I ever thought it would be. I have been super lucky not to have some major homesick issues but they do creep in and at the weirdest times ever. (like the last space shuttle landing)
I miss having a "belonging" feeling since I don't quite feel I belong here completely but I don't belong in the US anymore either. I have friends on both sides but it's not the same, it is different and I miss the comradeship I used to have and yes I know it will happen here it just takes time. I do have some fabulous friends here but not past history so again it's different.
I feel as if my sense of purpose has almost disappeared - this needs fixing ASAP. I would like to get up and go to work, come home and then spend time with my family maybe see some friends or have dinner. I think because I don't "go" to work this is starting to throw me for a loop mentally. I have started the job hunt as I really need a sense of belonging and I need a job that feels I belong there as well. I want more then a paycheck. I want a sense of accomplishment and a challenge.
It's weird to me that I am nervous to go back to the US because as they say nothing is the same when you go back. I don't expect it to be but I do expect to relax and just be able to chill with family and friends and indulge in the US things I think I have missed.
I think I am just getting sentimental in my older age but I feel something is missing in my life. I love my Prince Charming more then anything and the dwarfs I love although trying at times - I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I just need to fill this gap in me.
So I am heading down another world of new beginnings with a job hunt and finding the piece of "working" me that I have realised I so desperately miss. It's a jungle out there but I guess if you don't fight for it then you mine as well be eaten.
Home is where the heart is....